“Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn.”

2011-01-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

Black and White

2011-01-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

It all begins again.

2010-08-18T17:42:00.001-07:00

And it all begins again with him.
Lips smoldering the burning lies on both our lips.
Will you fuck me again?
A stranger among men.
And yet I know your name.
And I know you about as well as you know me.
Which is what we have come to determine is not much at all.
And I can play you for a fool, bat my eyes and make you drool.
Sit here in your t-shirt listening to the rain.
The story begins just the same.
A choose your own adventure a never ending tale,characters with different names to fool me into feeling change.

And if it starts the same, it will end this way

As it all begins again with him.

The Process Is Repeated.

2010-08-18T17:40:00.001-07:00

The blue plastic is the color of a Care Bear, sleepy bear to be exact.
The water boils in the pan.
The plastic becomes soft as it floats among the gurgling bubbles.
The plastic is warm as it molds itself around my arm.
The process is repeated.
Sharp scissors join in on the project.
I want to decorate my arm with stickers.
The angle is set wrong.
The process is repeated.
The scent of melted plastic fills the air.
It reminds me of a worn out strawberry shortcake doll.
It reminds me of my childhood.
If I had some blueberry perfume I would drop it in the boil water to experiment.
The angle is still wrong.
The process is repeated.
I’m running out of time and it’s still not right.
The process is repeated.
Velcro straps are added to each side.
The Ripping and tearing fills the air as the straps are adjusted.
The angle is set wrong.
The process is repeated.
A piece of moleskin is added for comfort.
It resembles a hairless cat more than a mole either way it’s fake.
The angle is finally right.
I’ve missed class, yet I sigh with release to finally be finished.
My arm is placed into the blue plastic, it is Held hostage by the Velcro straps.
Orange scented Goo Gone is rubbed over the plastic to remove any gooey residue.
My blueberry cast resonates with the smell of plastic oranges.
It’s uncomfortable. I’m immobile.
At the store he hands me a sheet of stickers to decorate my plastic arm.
I see the care bears and I smile.

Camouflage

2010-08-18T17:39:00.002-07:00

The field glows yellow beneath the rising sun.
Water clings to my ankles as I make my way through the morning mist.
I pick dandelions one by one.
The petals crumble beneath the weight of my fingers, as I mash them against my pale skin, it turns jaundiced.
I am one with the field.

The Window Watcher

2010-08-18T17:39:00.001-07:00

Out of the corner of my eye I see you staring at me.
You think I don’t notice you standing there.
I sit motionless in my chair.
I don’t acknowledge you as you walk up to my window.
I do nothing to cover myself up.
Your eyes suggest confusion.
I see the shame set deep behind your eyes.
This is who I am.
You whisper in the ear of the person to your left.
The words on your lips suggest my attire disgusts you.
You are a tourist.
To me it is another Friday night.
You are in the midst of an adventure you will be retelling the rest of your life.
The light shuts off above me.
It is time for me to do my job.

When I return you are gone.
I sit back down, motionless in my chair.
A man takes your place outside my window.
He doesn’t think I notice him standing there.
I see the spark of curiosity and lust in his eyes.
His face suggests he is pleased with my attire.
I raise my head and smile.
He is a tourist.
To me it is another Friday night.
This is an adventure he will keep from everyone for the rest of his life.
The light shuts off above me.
It is time for me to do my job.

You Annoy Me.

2010-02-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

You Annoy me, and I know it's cruel.
You Annoy me with everything you do.
You are cruel and unhappy, a contagious disease.
The thought of you is worse then a bed full of fleas.
You Annoy me oh yes it's true.
It even Annoys me to write this about you.

Something

2007-07-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

So I have not written any poetry lately. I have written a few short stories and am currently rummaging through my folders trying to add to the ones that have been sitting and collecting dust. I don't know if it is because my life has become so non dramatic lately, or if I'm just to lazy to think of any interesting words to string together and form a thought. I'll work on it though and maybe something will come to me. Who knows.

He's Gone

2007-06-15T21:56:00.001-07:00

He’s gone, and the sadness washes over me.
He’s gone, and some nights like tonight I sit and cry over what’s been lost.
And he’s gone, and although he comes back on rare occasions, when the moon hangs low in the sky. When loneliness has enraptured him, on those rare occasions when he seeps into my room, and holds me close as he slips inside me, His soft lips, the taste of forbidden fruit. The strength of his arms around my waist, he ravages me and for a moment just a moment, everything is like it was.
But then I wake up alone and I realize he’s gone.
And when I see him next, he behaves as though nothing has changed, as though he was possessed by a spirit not his own.
And he’s gone,
He’s found comfort with someone else, and though he calls me when he needs to talk, when the secrets inside him have become too much for one person to hold,
He’s gone, and no matter how much I need him, or want things to be as they were, there is always the reminder that he’s gone. And I know that he will never really come back, because he’s gone.

Slaughterhouse

2007-06-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

The screams penetrate me,
The streets run red with blood.
Dripping from my eyes.
Drowning me into the darkness.
The oxygen leaks from my lungs.
Screaming through quivering lips
Blue
Cold
Bare arms,
Quivering in the hard cold rain.
Wash it all away
The smell of death,
The smell of fear,
Draw near
Morning, Draw near

Too Busy To Care.

2007-04-28T01:27:00.001-07:00

Did you know because of you my blood runs cold?
That angry rises although I try to be bold. You lie and decieve and play me the fool, and I go along, Trying to be the better man, trying to understand.
Your life is no more complicated than mine, and you think I can't deal, but I'm doing fine. Without you I will rise, and you will fall and continue to sink, and every bad decision you make places a brick around you blocking you from the outside world, and one day you will be alone, inside your wall, inside your hell. And as you sit there cradling trying to wish your way back to the beginning, I'll still be moving forward, rising to every occaison, enjoy every moment of life. the good, the bad, the unmanageable, but I will learn to deal, and everyday this pain you have caused me heals.
Just a little bit more, but your wounds stay open.
Broken and bleading, becoming infested with the disease that you allow your mind to spread, And by then I will have been immune and the one person that is willing to tear down that wall will be gone, preocupied, too busy to care.

New..

2007-04-18T22:07:00.001-07:00

Your lips linger on the curve of my side.
A sweet remembrance of last night.
The warmth I felt as I layd by your side, stays with me when I'm alone.
When the emptiness turns to cold.
Our love for eachother on temporary hold.
Our griendship grows.
You turn to me when you need someone most.
And I reach for you, comforting you.
Everything surrounding wrong suspends when I'm in your arms.
If only we could make those moments last.
Turning back the past,
erasing all the stumbles in the path. Lookinf for forgiveness, relief, learning to let go
yearning to breathe.
Slowly walking forward, hoping we meet again on a bed of red roses devoid of thorns.
Until then I'll keep your whispers, and your memories,
the scent of your skin. The softness of your bottom lip.
The lingering of your kiss on the curve of my side.
The memor of warmth filly my bed.
Until the day, we meet again.

Punching Bag

2007-04-07T00:58:00.000-07:00

Let me be your punching bag, let me take it all.
Leave me with no bruises, just let me fucking fall.
Let your words sting me, scorch me with their pain,
I’ll go on everyday as my feelings never change.
Love someone else, just like you promised that you would.
Keep your distance far from me, just like I told you that you should.
Take your crucifying eyes point out every thing you hate, all my imperfections,
My bitchiness, my weight, tell me that I lie, tell me that I’m wrong, break me with every fucking word, then turn it into song. Play it on the radio for all the world to hear, I’ll sit back in the darkness, and shed a silent tear.
I’ll never let you see me, or hear my desperate heart. You hate me just as much as you hated me from the start. You chased me down to make me yours so you could throw me all away. Leave me with my loneliness, just go the fuck away.

Weather Pass

2007-04-01T00:58:00.001-07:00

Snow Falling
Water Freezing
Heart Bleading
Endless dreary
mind so weary
assure me that this weather will pass
My blood will flow
as the loneliness goes.
and the anger slows.
Will the sun rise
my tears dry
assure me that the weather will pass
that sadness will melt, with the ice on the fresh green grass.
Assure me it wont all die away.
That a new day will arrive, and happiness will stay.

Anger Burning.

2007-03-31T22:03:00.001-07:00

There is anger burning inside me.
It's tearing at my veins.
The lies you've told are swarming through my thoughts.
Trying to convince me of truth.
I try to see the you I fell in love with.
But he doesn't exist.
It's not as though he went away. He was never there to begin with.
As though this whole time I was in love with a dream.
There is anger burning inside me.
My temperature rises with each passing day.
With each shrug of your shoulder.
Rising with all of your ignorant ways.
You look at my willingness to trust as an excuse to play your game.
But there will come a day that this anger will cease to burn.
When my heart will turn cold. A day when you will come back to me,
begging for that second chance. Needing more attention to help the time pass.
A time will come when looking at you will no longer strike that match.
When the vision of you will be the same as that of a stranger.
A time when the anger inside me will be extinguished and I will finally be free.

Black and White

2006-07-28T20:46:00.000-07:00

An example of what is and what will never be.
The harshness of reality.
you tell me that I’m every thing I’m never going to be
and that your expectations are too high for me to reach.
somewhere upon the scale I rank around a four. And although you don’t know what you want you know that you want more.
A five would be too much to place me in between,
and asking me to understand is far to hard in deed.
Rejection is not something I would get or understand, so place in me in the bottom half and take the upper hand.

Circular

2006-07-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Smoke rising through the trees,
Carried off through a soft breeze.
Waiting for the rain to fall,
To wash away these charred remains.
Remnants of anger,
Remnants of pain,
Rise sun Rise,
Bring new growth before my eyes,
Buds sprout, flowers bloom,
Warm my skin,
Close my wounds.
Walk forward,
Enrapture me.
A New beginning
A new day

A plastic box

2006-05-16T23:38:00.000-07:00

A plastic box of memories
that’s all I have to remember me
not all good, but not all bad, not enough to bring me back.
A plastic box of memories
that’s all I have to remember me
memories of you, an invisible dream
an apple a day will keep you away, and unused tickets from a forgotten day.
a yellow balloon and lace strings too, but not enough to bring me back to you.
A plastic box of memories
not quite empty, but not nearly full, more space to fill before I go.

Secret Breeze

2006-05-16T23:36:00.000-07:00

Can you see me a secret breeze.
Can you feel me dancing through the trees. the scent of deception crosses my path. a touch of anger adds to the draft. Can you hear me rustle the leaves. Does my memory linger Does it sting your eyes Are my branches strong enough to enrapture you to capture you, do they stretch through you, are they weak enough to break under your soul. Does my secret breeze entice you? Bring you back for more, or is it weak enough for you to walk away not wondering never needing never begging for more?

Update...

2006-05-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

I haven't written any poetry lately but I am in the process of writing three short stories, don't ask me how that happened, they were there, they needed to be told and none of them went with eachother, so there you have it. There will be updates soon!

~Kandi

Wasted Day

2006-05-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

Tears Fell as you drove away.
I thought to myself; just another wasted day,
wasted space, no words to say only the
thoughts that float through my head,
filling me with dread,
reminding me not to fight.
to do whats right.
so I walk away from another wasted day,
having nothing to say.

I was your leader.

2006-04-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

I was your leader, and by leading you taught me to follow. You taught me to be strong. You taught me to stand up for all of us, to uphold our convictions, to stand with pride. I was your leader, and by leading you taught me to not back down. You taught me that my voice was not silent and that it could be heard loud and clear across 10,000 lakes. I was your leader and when I faltered you did not punish me, you pushed me forward for you knew that although I was your leader, I was also human.

Jack

2006-04-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

I remember the days when Jack was my friend.
I would wake up each morning with no regrets.
He would leave me with no memory of things I’d done wrong.
Comfort me like a slow country song.
I remember the days when Jack was my friend.
Going down so smooth, warming me up in the dead of night.
Loosening all my muscles that were tight.
I remember all those long southern nights,
The scorching heat with a soft cool breeze,.
Swallowing him whole, my throat burning with desire.
Having him right where I wanted him, he was everything I would ever need.
Jack my weakness, Daniels my disease.

Dearly Departed

2006-04-19T23:06:00.001-07:00

And when it was all said and done, she was jagged.
Jaded from all the agony weighing down her soul.
Watching the end of everything starting to unfold.
For months she’d seen this coming she had prepared in every way,
but in the second that it happened it took her breath away.
They both stood staring neither knowing what to say.
As tragically as it had begun they quickly parted ways.
He brushed his lips against her face, and rapped his arms around her tight.
He said, I can’t love you; I don’t know how to do what’s right,
He said everything in life had left him empty and confused.
He said that he felt he had nothing left to lose.
He said that he’d come back to her he only needed time,
But the only thing he needed was her signature on the line.
There never was a yesterday, a tomorrow or next year.
Everything was an illusion and it finally all came clear.
She saw how life had played her and left her there for dead,
She finally saw through every lie, through everything he’d said.
She finally got the courage to say fuck you and move on.
But she’s the one still left crying over their stupid fucking song.

The Early Morning Sun

2006-04-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

The chill of the early morning sends shivers down my spine,
The early morning sun, golden honey rising in the sky.
Don’t waste your time on me playing over in my head.
Two days ago he left me barely breathing, a shattered heart, my body lifeless and dead,
Today, a resurrection from death, my mind clears as I watch the sun rise above the field.
Finding comfort in my keyboard, and comfort in these words,
Letting go of the urge to scream, the urge to be heard.
The words he used to sting me, and bring me to my knees.
Have become as useless as the steadfast ticking of the clock hanging crooked in front of me.
It’s telling me it’s time to rise to get up and go, go into the beckoning day to embrace life, to embrace my happiness as for it may only last today.
But the morning is too early, and my bed is still too warm.
And I fear to leave this room fearing that as I step outside my comfort my acceptance of all that has happened, May melt in the sun before I make it down the drive.
I fear that as I go into the day I may not be strong enough to keep out all the hate,
And as the hour’s pass by hope will begin to deteriorate
I will regret my decision to face life today.
And in the evening I will drag myself into this empty bed, instead of rejoicing over life, I’ll be longing for my death.

Reject Me

2006-04-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Reject me, throw me out among the piles of dried leaves.
Reject me, leave me to rot like a pumpkin in the snow left over from a celebration two months before.
Reject me like a sweater worn with holes, two sizes two small, 3 years to old.
Reject me like a bruised pear rotten among the pile.
Reject me like day old milk hardened by the sun.
I want you to reject me, to free yourself from my pitiful cries, my broken heart, my weakened pride.
Reject me and avoid my broken promises, avoid my sunken eyes, my mousy brown hair, hidden beneath, this flaming red dye.
Reject the tears that fall from my hazel eyes, my crooked smile, my faltered steps.
I beg you everyday to accept me, but I have given in and am at your command, so reject me. Reject me. Reject me.

Wildflowers

2006-04-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

Wildflowers growing fast, covering the path to my past.
Wildflowers leaning out to comfort me.
What I wouldn’t give to have you hear, what I wouldn’t do
To hold you near.
Wildflowers reminding me, of love, and loss, and pain
Reminding me there’s lessons in life to gain, people to miss
Friends to reclaim.
Wildflowers reminding me of you and wishing I could say now
What was to late to say then. Reminding me that love’s loss is not the end.
Wildflowers in my view, guiding me through thanks to you.